I almost bought one of these for my desk, but $22.00 is just too much to spend, especially when it looks like Satan may be coaching the Knicks next season. I mean, Jesus has never even made it to the playoffs.

(my mom sent me this link to churchgoods.com. See you in hell, Ma.)

Nothing says Web 2.0 like a rotating flaming jesus.

An account on our social, folksonic, semantic, flaming jesus network is free, and fun! So sign up today at:

  http://jusflam.tv

The social network for people who enjoy Jesus, and flames, and rotating stuff.

Flaming Jesus® would like to thank Tony and Brian for their words of wisdom and guidance.

And so "the" holiday has passed, another Christmas done and gone. And yet, the war rages on in our hearts and minds.

I tried to do my part for the war effort.

• I held a Micky Santa hostage until he admitted his holiday cheer was chemically enhanced.
• Informed children everywhere that santa was a fraud. Not that he doesn't exist, but that his toy empire was built on the backs of the working elves.
• I chased an elderly woman down the street after she greeted me with a "Merry Christmas", I threw her into the gutter and screamed "Happy Holidays" until she wept and begged for my secular mercy. I gave none.

It is the small efforts that will help us triumph over the fruit cakes and poorly arranged Christmas songs.

As a final blow against the great seasonal tyranny, I mocked the very "spirit" of the holiday. To the dismay and horror of my friends and loved ones, I turned against the spirit of giving and gave my money to charity. No gifts labeled to or from Mark this year. To spite the very meaning of the holiday, I laughed in the face of it all and gave the money away to those selfish bastards who actually need it.

I turned the holiday on its ear and became a humanist, a damned dirty humanist. There is no place in this holiday, or this country for that matter, for humans. Mickey learned that the hard way.

But we are rising up. We are getting stronger. There are plenty of "humans" in this world that will hear our call. You can run. You can try and hide your freshly unwrapped Xbox 360s and your assortments of cheese and sausages, but it is only a matter of time. The humanists will hunt you down, and you will pay.

Today I am making a pot roast. I am roasting a wad (so I say wad a lot, that don't make you right) of meat in a pot for dinner tomorrow with my family. My mother has been very careful not to utter the word Easter whenever she calls to talk about this weekend. I'm pretty sure she planned dinner for Saturday just so there would be no mistake that this was not an "Easter" dinner.

Why the double speak and subterfuge? I'll tell you. After years of complaining, blathering and/or bitching about how I am not a Christian, so why am I celebrating easter/christmas/Jesus did something like being born or dying day, It has all finally paid off.

Apparently, everyone in my family is tired of hearing my flapping jaws, and they have decided to pretend like nothing special is happening this weekend. I'm hoping it'll be like I have been in a coma, and nobody has the heart to tell me its really 2051. "What are all those colored eggs for?" I'll exlaim. "Oh, they just turned bad." my mom will say. "But why do you have bags of fake grass in your closet?" I'll reply. "Oh, just filling some pillows." she'll say.

Maybe in the middle of dinner I'll scream, "The baby Jesus!", just to see if they'll respond.

And let's be sure take a few moments this weekend to remember the ODB...